Wistful Reflections

 

I hear the shriek of the little boy asking his mother to push him higher on the swing. His sheer joy at sailing through the sky makes me smile indulgently. He wants to reach out to grasp the cotton wool clouds for himself.

 

I see him leap off the swing and jump into his mother’s waiting arms. Confident of his welcome. Secure in the knowledge that she will catch him. There’s no apprehension, not even a momentary one, in his leap. Just a trusting conviction that she’ll be there for  him, as always. His little hands loop round her neck as he receives the kisses she rains on him. He pulls back to grin at her and plants a cute smacking kiss of his own on her cheek. I see the love shining in both their eyes. A picture of such pure innocence. It fills my heart with warmth.

 

But then why do I suddenly feel tears welling up in my eyes creating unrelenting paths down my cheeks. Why do I feel this sudden pang of loss? Where has that erstwhile warmth disappeared suddenly? Why do I feel the creeping up of an unknown ache for something I have accepted as a given for so long.

 

Or had I? It was a coalescence of chance and circumstance that lead me to tread this path. But one that I felt I had chosen consciously. One that I had accepted. One I had made peace with. But had I? Was it merely a superficial veneer of false comfort? A way of appeasing myself? A way to mollify myself over something I couldn’t control?

 

Why did I suddenly yearn to have someone look up at me with unquestioning trust and confidence in my ability to slay all their demons? To have a high pitched voice shouting Mom’ at me. To demand I do things for them. To just hug me.

 

It’s true life is full of choices. But not all the ones we make are deliberate. Sometimes life just happens. And you just go with it. The ripple effect of the choice slowly dies down as the concentric circle of life edges towards the shore in ever widening eddies. The reason for their existence forgotten. But sometimes the lapping water hits you and demands your attention. Demands that you question the very reason for its journey to the shore.

 

And that’s when the melancholy hits. But, as always, you gather yourself and wait for the tears to dry. Wait for the indulgent smile to come back. Wait for the joy to fill you again as you watch a little boy hugging his mother.

 

A mother who isn’t you.

 

Note:

 

I penned these thoughts inspired by a story my dear friend Jigs is writing Revealed

 

Thank you so much for indulging me and reading my pensive musings.

 

Please feel free to let me know what you think 🙂

 

Love always,

Ruchi

27 thoughts on “Wistful Reflections

  1. “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” -Rumi

    As a reader to reader I have been touched by your words on the many stories we have followed together, they in itself are woven together to narrate the tale perfectly presented by the writer. Then again as a writer, I have been privileged to have you as reader where your words have given me the strength and courage to continue down the path I have envisioned without any apprehensions. But now the roles are reversed, I am your reader, my dear writerji… yup you read that correctly.

    You my love in this drabble, have captivated me to stand there along side with the woman as she goes through the myriad of emotions. It indeed was bittersweet… I smiled, I cleared my throat, I blinked my eyes but then I finally let the tears loose. The yearning of what could be, tugged at my heart and at that moment you wish you can change the past, the what if’s to reality. Kash a child can miraculously jump off the swing and straight into her arms, to fulfill that wish… Kash…

    Wistful Reflections will stay with me for a lifetime for so many reasons my love. I will cherish this… your first piece, you did it! This leaves me truly humbled and honored that my character inspired you to bring this heartfelt tale to life. It has been weaved so eloquently together with your words, that is sheer magic.

    And I do hope you continue to share your brilliant talent through many more drabbles, stories or whatever you have to offer us. Because I for one will be lined to be right below you Hamesha!

    Your darling always,
    Jigs

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Dear Ruchi. You have an amazing way with words and emotions that strike a chord in all of us. Keep it coming dear. This Drabble had me crying silently early in the morning for the touching story and the beauty of your writing. Love and hugs to a lovely, lovely person and a gifted writer who has just begun to dip into her storehouse of talent. Muaaaah

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi Ruchi !

    I should’ve known with words you ink, your pen would have definitely weaved treasure.

    This piece was aptly named. Nothing is more pure than the love a mother and child share. Nothing competes that feeling of being looked upto, to slay their demons or be there for them when they need it. There’s certainly joy in witnessing that.

    But to a bystander for whom either this episode triggers a memory of precious moments that couldn’t carry on wounding the heart or for the soul whose loneliness seeks company for someone to shower unconditional love; this brings a world of pain. But we make peace with it, in time. And sometimes miracles do happen, we share the connection of hearts with some people we may not share blood with.

    This is a very beautiful piece of writing.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for your beautiful comment. You put it so well, “connection of hearts”. Sometimes life confers some kindness on us. It is that hope that gives us the strength to carry on 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Wow that was beautiful…. u ‘ve captured the essence of both … a woman who wishes to b a mother n …. a mother with the child so perfectly…. it reminded me of myself b4 my daughter n now wen she sees me as her world….
    u r a very good writer hope to read more stuff from u… keep writing

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for the lovely story. Feeling quite sad though. I haven’t read the original it’s dedicated to as it’s a closed blog. But guess that it must be something pretty powerful. Going to read the rest of your posts. 😀 Keep writing, please.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Motherhood. One of the greatest gifts that has been bestowed on the female kind. It’s a selfless bond that exists between two people, that ties them for eternity, that no external force can ever deny. The bond will last forever.

    I am still young to think of motherhood, but I do always imagine myself in that role. It’s an eventuality I pray for. I don’t know whether someone can call me possessive or obsessive, but I have come to realise that in reality, the connection you share with your family, especially the connection between your parents and child can never vanish. It is everlasting. You may lose your friends, your lover, any other relationship, however the nature of this relationship is permanent. It’s unconsciously bestowed on us and is unconditional. There is degree of surety here and a righful claim as calling that person mine or your home.

    That’s why I have always regarded this relationship as so important. And, feel immensely saddened that there are several females who are not able to afford this gift. I pray for them that they find strength and maybe believe in themselves to adopt a child (we do have many of them, and they do need immense care and love) and experience the joys of parenthood and motherhood.

    This was beautiful and I strongly relate to the emotion behind it.
    Thanks for sharing this 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Amazing..So many raw emotions captured beautifully! While reading actually felt like being transposed into the mother child enveloped into their own sacred bond of pure love.. Oblivious to the rest of the world…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Lovely reflections. Reminded me of the times I spent with my nephew Sachin.I used to take him to the park and taught him to swing and come down the tunnel slides. kept me fit running after him as he never stood in one place, Now the little naughty boy has grown up to be a lovely caring young man. He got married last month and will have his own journey. But for me, he is that little boy who often called me Mum.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can relate to every word u wrote,Ruchi..
    Being a mother to two daughters n a son,I love my mother more than ever..

    I hope to read Revealed.Stripped,Temptation one day..
    Umeed pe duniya qayam hai ..

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is beyond beautiful!

    Mom. She’s someone who give you unconditional love and makes sacrifices to care for and nurture us so we can grow up to be independent and good human being. If you are in pain, she’s pained; if you are scared, she soothes you, but is secretly scared for you; if you are happy, she’s happy. She feels everything that you do, but with 10x the intensity. She’s your teacher, she’s your cheerleader, she’s your #1 fan. And when you grow up, she becomes your best friend! A mother’s love is the purest of them all. And I am so grateful to have that and hope that someday, I can provide that. As the biological clock ticks, I do fear whether I will experience all of that joy.

    The below paragraph and the last two lines, just broke my heart!

    “It’s true life is full of choices. But not all the ones we make are deliberate. Sometimes life just happens. And you just go with it. The ripple effect of the choice slowly dies down as the concentric circle of life edges towards the shore in ever widening eddies. The reason for their existence forgotten. But sometimes the lapping water hits you and demands your attention. Demands that you question the very reason for its journey to the shore.”

    “Wait for the joy to fill you again as you watch a little boy hugging his mother…A mother who isn’t you.”

    What an irony that I decided to venture to this blog today and came across this wonderful piece? Not sure if this is for a Mom who is going through infertility issues or for a Mom who’s lost her boy of a young age, and much before his time. But I just want to say that whichever scenario it is, she’s still a Mom. And since it’s mother’s day, I want to wish Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms who have kids, to all Moms who yearn to have kids, and to all Moms who had the fortune of experiencing the motherhood along with the misfortune of losing a child! You are brave and our hero!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What a pleasure it was to read your thoughts on this most special of days, Hailey. Thank you so much!

    The grief, the sense of loss would affect differently in all the events you mentioned. But, I feel the acuteness of the pain would be just as deep. Always lingering just below the surface.

    Liked by 1 person

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