Memories

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Memories are such strange companions, aren’t they? The ones we yearn to envelop ourselves in are always somehow just beyond our grasp. Yet the ones we seek to suppress seem to spring up uninvited, catching us unaware. Making us relive old pain again and again.

 

I stand looking out as the dying rays of the setting sun cast a sublime golden light over the viridescent canopy of trees that lay spread out as far as the eye can see. Lighting the tops in elegant shades of oranges and yellows. Tingeing the slightly darkened clouds that lay sultrily above with a delicate halo. A goodbye before they forget their companion of the day, turning eagerly to their new companion of the night.

 

Even as I revel in the beauty of nature’s kaleidoscope of colours, the memory of that first bouquet of flowers she had painstakingly hunted and brought for me springs to mind unbidden. It had to be in just that shade, and it had to be just that those blooms, he remembered her saying. Because you like it, she had said with a shrug and a smile to my query. Each flower she ever gave me was carefully scrutinised. Always. Each arrangement spoke to me of her, her care, her love. And yet, she hated flowers. They come wrapped in memories of pain, she had said. But it makes me happy to see you happy she had countered my ongoing argument, handing me yet another exquisite arrangement.

 

Now all I have left in those hands are the tears that visit whenever their fancy strikes, toying with me as per their whims. Flashes of, I have to tell… I have to ask… I have to show… make me reach for my phone before I realise that I can’t. Not anymore. I have sat in a taxiing plane not even realising I had tears streaming down my face. She never let me get on one without a panoply of wishes for my safety, keeping me chatting until the very last second… and sometimes more.

 

The most mundane of things can spark innumerable memories of her making me laugh with her… veined marble sideboards, and pretty crochet placemats, posters of SRK in double collared shirts and undressed tables in restaurants, concessions in cinemas and closing time signs in cafes…

 

I keep her mementos locked away carefully. Each one a reminder of a moment, a conversation, a shared experience. But what do I do with the intangible memories that tease, spinning in front of my eyes like a silent film. Let’s ask someone to take our picture, she had said, smilingly persuading a passer-by to do the honours. Several minutes later we’re still there… of course that passer-by turned out to be from her town. Somehow, these things just happened with her. She stood chattering away animatedly while I waited for her.

 

I am still waiting today. Only now, it is a deathly silence that waits with me. A silence in which the only passersby are her memories which continue to sneak up at me.

 

I remember telling her how wonderful it was to have a great memory. Is it? She had countered quietly. I have my answer now.

 

Sochta hu mein kabse gumsum

Ke jabki mujhe bhi khabar hai

Ki tum nahi ho kahin nahi ho

Magar ye dil hai ki keh raha hai

Ki tum yahi ho yahin kahin ho

 

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Note:

 

The lyrics above are taken from a song which I love, Yeh kahan aa gaye hum from Silsila. It embodies feelings of restlessness, of yearning, of hope, yet has an underlying acceptance of the inevitable. For me, this piece is a reflection of those feelings.

 

 

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78 thoughts on “Memories

  1. ❤😘

    Your words scream to me bringing forth those vivid memories and feelings that leaves an ache in my heart. Simply breathtaking, so very poignant, and only you can give it the justice that it deserves. Those memories are entitled to live on, even in the painful absence. I, thank you for writing this. It’s one that I will never let go, and keep hope with me as I relive memories in this so called journey of life.

    I love you so so so much, hamesha ❤

    Yours always,
    Jignasha

    Liked by 9 people

  2. Um, Ruchi di where is the rest? I mean the flow with which you pen things is unparalleled!

    Would it be weird to admit I was searching for an Arnav, Khushi, FF in somewhere in your note? Now would be a perfect time for us readers to place ourselves in Amit ji’s shoes. Nahi? Apologize if I misinterpreted anything.

    Now that I have complained enough, what beauty your words imbibe! You love nature and always describe it majestically. Feelings are complicated and words express them more wonderfully. Why need gestures and actions, when the very same come from you!

    Keep posting, always a pleasure to reel in. Hey Jigs Ji and Felix Ji, lovely to see you here.

    Love,
    Zeffy

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Such poignant words from ruchiji’s kalam in early mng left me reeling for more as well as encompasses me in that melancholy of having it all & than whoosh nothing except these yaadein.. perfect lines from silsila.. that movie, i loved every frame esp jaya bachchan, she stole d show for me.. cheers.. its alwayz nice to hear from u..

    Liked by 7 people

  4. It is always such pleasure to read your beautifully crafted words, darling Ruchi, they never fail to tug my heartstrings.

    Memories are indeed strange companions. Sometimes, the ones we hope to make are the ones that turn out so painful that we wish we could forget. Sometimes they are a blessing. Sometimes a curse.

    Liked by 11 people

  5. Ruchi sis😍 it’s always a pleasant experience to read your beautiful words..They never fails to touch my heart..Sometimes when I saw kids playing in the park with their mothers, I was remembering ‘wistful reflection’..I used to think may be a moment like this triggered you to write down and prayed for those yearning souls.. I still don’t know what to say about it..Memories are always bittersweet for me..you brought back some cherished memories.. maybe my musings on sunset hereafter will reserve a place for your beautiful description of it..
    Ironically the already known impending future hurts more than an unexpected one..still it urges to collect more moments to save as memories in the belief of revisiting them will be a happy experience..
    They’re tricky..They’re responsible for the crying with smile moments..
    They’re scary sometimes..they came out of nowhere suddenly in the midst of a busy day defeating my absolute belief on me by making me go through the things which I believed that I forgot..
    Yet they are wonderful too when it reminds me about the love, trust placed on me which helps to go through the tough days..
    Wish we all forget the draining memories and fill our life with the lovely memories♥♥

    Keep writing Ruchi sis♥
    It’s a wonderful thing to read and feel your words 🙂

    Liked by 8 people

  6. Memories are amazing. My sisters always tell me I have a great mind in remembering even the tiniest of details. But sometimes it’s just too much to be able to remember more that everyone.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Wow Ruchi that was so vividly and brilliantly painted 😍And I saw ASR standing and missing his Khushi because she had finally served him his just deserts 😀 After reading this piece I am feeling rejuvenated and exhilarated, despite being so poignant and lost. All thanks to your penwomanship!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Lovely words of memories..painful and impactful. It evokes a painful chord. People often struggle to express words or communicate but memories and what we can imagine or dream is never short of that. You probably do justice with your skillful writing as well.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. Sorry Ruchi dear, got caught up in the day’s whirlwind and couldn’t comment sooner.
    As usual, beautifully penned and so poignant. Yes, it’s memories that are left with… but i consciously tend to hang on to the good ones, especially of my parents and other loved ones who have gone to the other side. And yes, now i’m working hard to create memories too with my little Jaan.
    Ruchi, please keep writing, you have an awesome talent that needs to be shared. love and hugs.

    Liked by 5 people

  10. Ruchi….

    It is beyond words to describe what your words made me feel.

    Memories….our forever companion….sweet, bitter, sad, funny, painful, whatever they may be, they never leave us. Moments pass by, becoming hours, then days, years, decades….but memories stay. And memories make us feel, who we were and are….People change, places change, time changes, but memories, they stay with us. Memories make us laugh, memories make us cry, memories make us sigh, but still, they stay with us. Time may take away anything from us, but it can’t take away our memories….for, it’s the time itself which bestows it to us.

    And how beautifully, in just few words, you have said it all. As I always say, your words never fail to touch my every corner of heart…. your words make me think and feel those many things, which become obscure in mundane life. Thank you for writing this Ruchi and thank you for sharing it with us….

    Love you lots….

    Liked by 5 people

  11. Read something related to Arnav Khushi after a very long time. Now that the euphoria of the last few days has died down, your words pulled me into the world of A and K. We don’t realise thzt we are building memories when we live through the highs and lows of this thing called life. And when the loved ones are no more these memories help us through those moments when we are down.
    Poignant and meloncholic piece, Ruchi. Your words pulled me in and I couldn’t resist reading this. Lovely piece. Wish and hope you continue to write for our sakes.

    Liked by 6 people

  12. Memories are a part of us, they are what we have been through…the good, bad and the ugly. Much as we want we can’t trade them or toss away some and keep what we like. However sometimes we wish we could forget the ones we don’t want to remember.

    Ruchi, thank you for this poignant piece. I have missed your beautiful words. You need to write more! 🤗😘

    Liked by 7 people

  13. Ruchi, without any names or reference, how beautifully you have delivered the message dear – very well written
    Simply superb – I 100% agree to what has been said about memories –
    Thank you ruchi for this masterpiece – write more often dear – love reading ur comments on our favorite writerji’s work –
    Writerji and ruchi – love u both hamesha

    Liked by 5 people

  14. Heartbreakingly beautiful 😍😍

    Memories live on..regardless of whether we want them or not.The most normal things can bring a memory which you think you have forgotten but the mind doesn’t forget does it?

    Thank you Ruchi Di for writing this..❤️

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Such a beautiful piece dear Ruchi! A poignant reminder of all things beautiful in life that we have lost, just the memories remain! Bittersweet memories…memories that will last forever…even if we don’t!
    I love Silsila – it’s one of my all time favorite! You have taken that song to a whole new level. Please continue to write more often!

    Liked by 5 people

  16. Ruch,

    Beautifully scripted and a true stray reflection, if there ever was one. Memories can quite definitely be heartrendingly and soul-shatteringly poignant or like a fragrant zephyr on a still summer day. What can I even say….lyrical prose that completely resonated with even a prosaic soul like me. Keep writing and making us contemplate,dear girl. Always up for another reflection from you! 💕💐 A bouquet of your favourite flowers for that one!

    Hugs,

    Anu

    Liked by 5 people

  17. Poignant. Loved the way you described the pain of lost happy days /lost love.
    Memory. All alone in the moonlight, I can smile at the old days.
    Life (I) was beautiful then.
    I remember the time I knew what the happiness was.
    Let the memories live again.
    Andrew Lloyd Webber ‘CATS’
    Good Night Ruchi

    Liked by 1 person

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